My Memories Of Nirvana From 30 Years Ago This Week

My Memories Of Nirvana From 30 Years Ago This Week

photo credit: Alex Rodriguez

March/April 1994
I remember it well. When Kurt had his first suicide attempt (blamed on “over indulgence of pills and alcohol”), rumors were flying around on Mar 3rd or 4th of 1994. The initial reports from Italy were that Kurt had died from an overdose. One of my coworkers were laughing at me saying “your idol died today from drugs”. First of all, he was not an “idol” of mine. Just someone I liked a lot who wrote amazing songs. Second of all, Nirvana was in the news constantly at the time. Think of it like how Taylor Swift is these days. Third of all: it was a little weird he was laughing at this horrible news.

Of course he didn’t die that day. And it was reported as just an “overdose”.

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-03-05-mn-30142-story.html
Rock Singer Cobain in Drug Coma : Music: Nirvana’s leader is hospitalized in Rome after overdose. The band’s manager reports signs of recovery.
BY CHUCK PHILIPS
MARCH 5, 1994 12 AM PT

Kurt Cobain, lead singer for the best-selling rock band Nirvana, was rushed to a hospital in Rome early Friday after collapsing into a drug-induced coma.
The 27-year-old Seattle singer-songwriter–who has been hailed as a “spokesman for his generation” because of the anger and alienation in his music–was comatose throughout the morning but began to show signs of recovery by midday.


“Kurt opened his eyes, he moved his fingers, and he responded to his name–those are good signs,” Nirvana manager Janet Billig said after speaking by phone to Cobain’s wife, Courtney Love, who has been at the singer’s side since calling paramedics to the rescue.


“It’s very serious, but based on what we’ve been told by the doctors we are optimistic that he will make a full recovery,” Billig said.
Cobain, who canceled concerts Wednesday and Thursday in Germany because of illness, overdosed on a mixture of champagne and “painkillers” in a hotel room, where he had been recuperating with his wife, who heads the rock group Hole, and their 2-year-old daughter.


THEN the rumors started. Did Kurt really try to kill himself? Was there a suicide note? Is Nirvana playing Lalapalooza? Did they break up?

A Lollapalooza tour was supposedly set up according to the LA Times a week or so earlier:

/https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-03-20-ca-36181-story.html

Will ‘Lolla’ Bypass Blockbuster?

BY STEVE HOCHMAN

MARCH 20, 1994 12 AM PT

With such acts as Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins signed on, “Lollapalooza ‘94” shapes up as a blockbuster, right?

Maybe not.

But some of the acts, including Nirvana, have reportedly expressed objections to playing sites owned by the Blockbuster video chain. Specifically, some artists and their representatives have privately complained about what they see as a “double standard” in Blockbuster’s refusal to carry videos deemed unsuitable due to sexual content, while not banning violent videos.

Kurt was missing for a few days and people were beginning to wonder if Nirvana was doing Lollapalooza or not. Rumors were flying around that Nirvana had broken up. Oh no!

I had my girlfriend at the time, who worked at Virgin Records, have her boss Mark Williams (who was the A&R rep for the Smashing Pumpkins) to see if he could find out if they had broken up or not. Rumors were rampant. She said he called up his friend, John Silva (or someone at Nirvana’s management), and closed the door to his office. He came back out 30 minutes later and said he wasn’t allowed to specifically answer the question about Nirvana breaking up other than “Let’s just say that they have played their last shows”.

Meanwhile, I believe it was April 5th, I was listening to Kevin & Bean on KROQ while going to work. Someone called in and asked “Has Nirvana broken up? What’s going on with them?” Kevin & Bean said something to the effect of “We personally know Courtney and right now no one in that camp cares about if Nirvana has broken up or not. It’s the least of their concerns. They can’t find Kurt right now and are in a panic trying to find him.” I remember that date exactly because when Kurt’s body was found on April 8th, they were saying he probably died on the 5th. So when Kevin & Bean were saying those exact words about everyone “trying to find Kurt”, it was already too late.

On the 6th, this article in the LA Times came out (remember, everyone was talking about Nirvana and Kurt Cobain these days. And new rumors (some true, some not) were popping up every hour of every day) Kurt was already dead by this time:

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-04-06-ca-42770-story.html

Nirvana Pulls Out of Tour Plan : Pop music: Amid reports of a breakup, the band withdraws from talks about headlining this summer’s ‘Lollapalooza ‘94,’ citing singer Kurt Cobain’s health problems.
BY STEVE HOCHMAN
APRIL 6, 1994 12 AM PT

Nirvana, the most acclaimed American rock group of the ‘90s, has withdrawn from the summer “Lollapalooza ‘94” tour amid reports the group has broken up.

A spokesman for the band’s record label cited doctors’ concerns about leader Kurt Cobain’s health as the reason the group has withdrawn from negotiations to headline “Lollapalooza ’94.” The Geffen Records spokesman would not detail Cobain’s health problems. But the singer was hospitalized last month in Rome and was briefly in a coma after ingesting a combination of prescription tranquilizers and champagne.

Cobain, who was believed to be in Seattle, was not available for comment. His wife, singer Courtney Love of the band Hole, who was in Los Angeles on Monday, declined to shed light on the reports.

The group had been widely expected to top a “Lollapalooza” bill also reportedly set to include Smashing Pumpkins, the Beastie Boys and the Breeders. Nirvana has also canceled the remaining dates of a European tour that was interrupted when Cobain was in Rome.

Even before the recent Rome episode, some involved with “Lollapalooza” had privately expressed doubts that Cobain, who has a history of stomach problems and other ailments that have made extended touring difficult for him, would be able to make it through the grueling tour without illness. The breakup is said to revolve around tensions between Cobain and bandmates Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl concerning Cobain’s health following the Rome incident.

Nirvana spokeswoman Janet Billig and others close to Nirvana caution that the breakup should not be considered permanent. The group has disbanded temporarily several times in the past as part of a sometimes stormy history involving the allegations and admittance of drug use by Cobain.

“They’ve been on the verge of breaking up forever and this doesn’t sound more serious than the other 43,000 times,” said one source close to the band, “though this could be a signal from the other members of the band that Kurt needs to focus on taking better care of himself.”

Cobain admitted to using heroin and other drugs in interviews last year after he and Love had been dogged by rumors about it.

Some concert promoters consider Nirvana’s withdrawal a blow to “Lollapalooza,” which many feel had a down year last summer. Where the 1992 version of the tour sported several acts, particularly Pearl Jam and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were rising rapidly in both sales and youth-culture significance, last year’s roster–including Alice in Chains, Primus and Dinosaur Jr.–lacked that sense of momentum. The presence of Nirvana this year was counted on to regain that “must-see” element.

“With Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins and the Beastie Boys it was a great package,” said Amir Daiza, president of Detroit-based Ritual Promotions. “With Nirvana dropping out it doesn’t seem strong, more like last year when there was no real headliner.”

Other promoters agree that Nirvana’s absence is a big loss for the tour, but feel the package is still strong, and that the “Lollapalooza” concept itself is a big attraction. Last year a show near Chicago sold 30,000 tickets before a lineup was even announced.

“It’s still a great show,” said Arny Granat, president of Jam Productions, which promoted last year’s concerts at the World Music Theatre outside of Chicago. “It’s a great event no matter what. You replace Nirvana and go ahead. It will all work out fine.”

The Times’ pop music critic, Robert Hilburn, contributed to this report.

Come April 8th, a friend of mine who worked at Westwood One called me and said “He did it. He shot himself in the head.” Right there and then, I knew who “he” was and that Kurt had killed himself. We called and talked with each other often about Kurt, especially in these last few days as all this drama was unfolding. She called me several times as the morning went on, filling me in on the details, as I was working and not around all this information that she had access to (remember, there was no social media back then and the world wide web was just being invented.) It was no real surprise (especially after the overdose in Rome), but still shocking to hear, nonetheless.

As the day went on, I must’ve gotten about 30 phone calls at work, some from friends I haven’t talked to in years, tracking me down at my office job to talk about Kurt and the news. My office mate wasn’t laughing on this day. I guess he finally realized what a huge deal this was.

Days after that, I supplied Westwood One with so much information on Nirvana, they gave me a “special thanks” on their radio broadcast tribute to Kurt. Can’t find that now. 🙁
But I did find this. My blurb in Flipside from issue #90:

Needless to say, I was pretty angry that Kurt could do something like this. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it (obviously other people couldn’t either, which is why they invent those crazy conspiracy theories so they can make it easier for them to comprehend that Kurt is gone).

It was hard for me to listen to Nirvana for years after this. Still is, kind of. But I do it because the music is so great. RIP Kurt.

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